What I find is that those periods of retreat last much longer than the periods of out-going-ness (yeah, I know it’s not a word). When I’ve been in retreat mode for any length of time, it’s like I forget how to come out of it again. I worry that people will think I’ve been gone too long to start posting again. And then I worry that no one reads what I’ve written anyways, and so didn’t even notice that I was gone.

Over the last few weeks of retreat – the holiday season does that to me – I’ve been thinking a lot about why I even keep going, and who I blog for.

Do I want influence and attention?
That’d be nice, but it’s not really me.

Do I want to be a social butterfly and have lots of friends on my lists at lots of social networking sites?
Not likely… It’s not that I don’t want friends, I just wouldn’t be able to keep up with you all.

Do I just want to find my own voice and be confident enough in it to say what I have to say, and not care if anyone but me even reads it at all?
Now that sounds like me.

So I was quite happy to come across a post by Maki at Dosh Dosh recently that talks about voice and authenticity in blogging. (Thanks to Dr. Mani for pointing it out.) The article itself was enlightening — especially the part about recognizing that your voice changes as you strive to meet the perceived expectations of your audience. (I say perceived, because unless they tell you what they want to hear from you, then the expectations are only those that you perceive to be there.) What was even more eye-opening was reading the comments left by other. I have to admit, I’ve always felt very alone in thinking that I had to have something earth-shattering to say before I wrote a post.

It’s taken a few days for the message to really sink in, and for me to find a way out of my shell again. Now that it has, and I have, I can confidently say that I am blogging for myself, first and foremost. And while a little part of me hopes that someone other than myself is reading this, if you are, and if it resonates with you in some way, that’s well then that’s just the icing on my cake (chocolate, of course).

Who do you blog for? Add your voice — leave a comment.

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One thing I do know for sure is that building a list is going to form a central part of my overall strategy for next year. I didn’t do any list building, or even contacting of my existing lists, in 2007 and the result of that was really hammered home to me yesterday.

I spent the better part of my day yesterday downloading all the goodies from the Santa Deal Time sale. And I was so excited about some of the products in that package, I wanted to tell people about it. That’s when it really sunk in — I don’t have anyone to tell because I don’t have a functional list.

The only way for me to get the word about about cool stuff right now is through my blogs. And while that’s a good way to share info, it’s not the same thing as sending an email out on the spur of the moment to say, “hey, check out this really cool deal!” or “Look what I found!” The level of excitement just isn’t the same.

I also realized how much I miss writing a proper newsletter. That was the first thing that got shelved after my heart attack a few years ago, and I never really found my way back to it. Thinking about where I’ve been and where I want to go over the next few years made me realize that if I had kept it going, it would be celebrating a 10th anniversary in January. Instead, I’m starting over.

They say you can’t really know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been, and I agree with that. It’s easy, though, to get caught up in the what ifs and if onlys, if you let yourself. (That’s a lot of ifs in one sentence. LOL)

The trick, I think, is to use the past as a starting point for a more successful future. Knowing where you’ve been means that you know where you don’t want to go back to. And it also means you know those places you want to revisit, even if it’s only to see how much they — and you — have changed.

That’s enough of a ramble for today. Time to get back to the planning. If you want to subscribe to my new newsletter(s) I’ll have the forms up here in a couple of days. For now feel free to subscribe to the rss feed.

Oh, and do check out the Santa Deal Time special if you’re at all interested in doing business online. It only comes once a year, and it really is a great deal.

Have a great day!

PS… I recorded an audio version of this post. If you’re so inclined, have a listen and let me know what you think of it. It’s my first attempt at any sort of audio post, so it’s a little rough around the edges, and any feedback is appreciated. I’d also like to know if you want more content delivered via audio. Thanks

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In that time I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about where I want to end up, and what I want my life to look like when I get there. And there are three people who I’d like to publicly thank for giving me the courage and strength to not only step out of the shadows again, but also for helping me to reach a decision on how my future online is going to look.

First, I need to say thank you to Dr. Mani for being a beacon of uniqueness in a sea of conformity that is internet marketing. I want to be like him when I grow up! (Yeah, I know I’m supposed be grown up already.) His posts awhile back on being real and identity are what started me thinking about all of this, and made me realize that it’s okay to be myself.

My second vote of thanks goes to Merlene Paynter for her honest and heartfelt post on what it feels like to be stuck. She gave me hope and comfort without even knowing it because reading her words was like reading my own story from the past 10 years, and it was just nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels like this and doesn’t like it much.

And finally, John Delavera gets a really big vote of thanks for having the uncanny ability to write exactly what I need to hear in the moment that I need to hear it. I’ve been a member of his turbo membership for over a year now, and can honestly say that it is his posts and his unwavering support for the members that have kept me going more than once when I felt like giving up. Yesterday’s post was just one more example — but it’s the one that started me writing again on all that I’ve been pondering and processing during the past quiet months.

So is there a point to all of this? Probably not, other than to say that I’m back and stepping out of the shadows once again. Who knows for how long this time? For sure long enough to say thanks to those who, even though they don’t know me, acted as a catalyst for my actions simply by sharing their own words.

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I had a really eye-opening moment the other day, about just what I allow into my subconscious mind.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated with divination. Tarot cards and horoscopes have always held a special interest for me. I guess it’s because I don’t really like surprises all that much. I want to know what’s going to happen, and when — not so much so that I can change it — but because I don’t like not knowing.

So the other day I was reading my horoscope and it said that my financial success would be delayed until 2009. And my first thought was “oh great, another 2 years before I actually get out of this mess.”

Seriously.

I was ready to own that statement as my reality, without even trying to change things. I’ve always thought of myself as a reasonably intelligent person, but really… how stupid is that?

And with a little more reflection, I made my way back to a tarot card reading I had done in the mid-1980s. So you can imagine my shock and horror at the last 20 years of said stupidity as I realized that whether consciously or not, I had been living my life in a way that made all her predictions come true.

I was totally amazed at how much power I had given over to the diviners and their systems. And in all honesty, I probably would still be sitting here doing the same thing if it hadn’t been for a recent June Campbell article on what gets into our subconscious mind and sticks there.

The thing that really ticks me off is that I know better. I know that, for tarot cards especially, nothing is written in stone. It’s only a representative of what could happen as of that particular moment, and anything you do from that point on can change the outcome. So why I allowed myself to assume that reality for all these years, is really beyond me.

Now that I’ve had my wakeup call, it’s time to take responsibility for my heart and mind, and the actions I take from this moment forward. And the first step in doing that is to clear the clutter from the closet of my subconscious. Maybe then I can open myself up to allowing the real changes I want to see in my life… not a change that’s based on memories of a reading done more than 20 years ago. And whatever happens, I can tell you one thing for sure… I will not be sitting around waiting for another 2 years to make my dreams my reality.

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It seems that there is a growing backlash against the Law of Attraction as it has been presented in “The Secret”. It’s been about a year since the movie came out and its marketing machine took over the self help market. From what I’ve seen in the last few days I’d have to say the love affair is definitely cooling off.

One of the first indications came from a recent email I received from a list I’ve been on for about a year. In it the owner announced that she was shutting it down because the Law of Attraction just wasn’t working for her, and she felt that she could better serve by opening up a new group to explore other ways of deliberate creation and getting what we want.

And then there’s this video, which definitely inspires an alternative (or maybe additional) train of thought. It certainly did for me. (article continues below the video)

So just what is it that brought about this backlash?

Is it that the “secret” has become too mainstream? Is it that the whole idea of the Law of Attraction has become corrupted by the gurus whose mission seems to be to milk us common folk for every dollar we have in our search for happiness and a better life?

For every success story that’s paraded in front of us, there are at least a dozen others who are left emotionally – and sometimes financially – devastated, wondering why the Law of Attraction (which, btw is supposed to be universal) doesn’t work for them.

And when they emerge from the ashes to question why, the only answer the guru can deliver is “you must be doing it wrong.” Or, “You just need to try harder. Here, spend another $47/$97/$497 (insert ever increasing dollar amounts here) on my books, tapes and seminars. I have just what you need. See… the Law of Attraction works. It attracted you to me at just the right moment.”

The Law of Attraction in its current incarnation isn’t about helping people anymore. It’s about big business. And why not? It’s that whole “find a starving crowd and sell them what they want” premise that all successful marketing is based on. And people are certainly starving for happiness, health, love, and a little bit of stability in this crazy world. Oh, and don’t forget the big house with the three car garage that we’re all supposed to want. (Can anyone say mortgage crisis?)

Kinda reminds me of the tele-evangelists my granny used to watch every week. “Just send $24.95 by cheque or money order and I guarantee that God will answer your prayers!”

Only now God by whatever name you call Him/Her has nothing to do with it. Instead it’s “Just send $49 via paypal and I’ll tell you a secret. But don’t be offended when I don’t tell you the whole secret because then I can’t sell you a ton of other useless stuff on the back end! And since it all depends on you and what you do, don’t be insulted when I won’t give you your money back. There are no guarantees in life y’know.”

That’s it. Rant over for today. Ironic isn’t it that while I was typing this Nickelback’s “I wanna be a rock star” is came on the radio. LOL

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Is the Law of Attraction still attractive to you?

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It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything here because I’ve been really caught up in the whole 30 Day Challenge thing. Everything else, and I do mean everything, got pushed to the side while I was learning all the cool new web 2.0 tricks that Ed and the gang are teaching.

But the challenge is winding down now, and not wanting to find myself on September 1st without a plan of action for the rest of the year, I spent most of yesterday writing up a fresh game plan for the next 120 days.

And I’m thinking I must be on the right track again because here’s my horoscope for today:

It’s been a long couple of years and although it may take a while longer for the current shift to take hold, you can already tell that there is significant change in the air. Don’t panic if you feel like there is still too much to do and not enough time. Just stay as focused as possible and continue to tie up loose ends. The more you get done now, the easier it will be in the weeks ahead. (source: tarot.com)

My first reaction on reading was almost a “gee, ya think?” Forget a couple of years, more like it’s been a rough decade that started with some seriously bad choices on my part (and no, we’re not gonna go there). And the whole bit about the change in the air is right on. I woke up one morning last week and just knew that something had shifted and that we are on the downhill side of our journey to get to the east coast.

There are some really big loose ends to tie up before I can close the doors on this part of my life for good, but I have faith that the time is finally right to put it all to rest and start my life over again.

So I have my game plan all ready to go, and this post is just the first step in the journey. The challenge for me now will be to stay focused and stick to the plan until I can post and say coming to you live from…

Sorry… you’ll have to stay tuned to find out where exactly on the coast we end up

Have an incredible day!

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I was sitting downtown at the farmer’s market yesterday morning, quietly minding my own business and gathering ideas for this year’s Thirty Day Challenge, when this lovely elderly lady came and sat down beside me. Since I had grabbed one of the few spots of shade under a tree, I suppose it was inevitable that I had to share my space sooner or later. But what happened next made me realize that I’ve become one of “those” people that I promised myself I never would.

“Not much shade out here,” she says to me and I agree politely and go back to my notebook and coffee. And then it happened… she pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights up. Now in years past that wouldn’t have bothered me. In fact I would’ve been just as like to join her because for 30 years I was a die hard two-pack-a-dayer. But since I’ve become a non-smoker (funny how a couple heart attacks will do that to ya), it really — and I mean really, really — bothers me to be around anyone who smokes.

Two things really bug me about it now and the temptation to want to smoke isn’t one of them anymore. I went through that for about the first year, where every time I saw someone smoking I wanted one. There must’ve been a hundred times or more that I started out the door on my way to the corner store to buy a pack only to be stopped in my tracks by the smell of stale smoke hanging outside my building’s front door. No, the two things that bother me now are the stench of the smoke, and the inability of most smokers to ask, “Would it bother you if I smoke?”
I mean, is it really so hard to not have a cigarette if it’s going to make the person next to you throw up, or worse?

I promised myself that when I quit smoking two years ago I would never be that person, that intolerant non-smoker, because I knew what it was like to be the villain in this case. I remember telling my son I would never be mean or rude to someone just because they smoked. But you know what?? I made that promise in total ignorance of how disgusting a habit smoking really is. I grew up around smokers. Both my parents smoked from the day I was born, and I started when I was about twelve. I had no idea until I’d quit that it really smelled as horrible as all my nonsmoker friends said it did.

I still can’t bring myself to be rude to someone just because they smoke. After all, if there’s not a no smoking sign around, that means it’s fair game to light up. So I flashed her a dirty look, and gathered up my stuff and came home, thinking about how I’d become one of those people I swore I never would. And it’s almost as bad a feeling as when you do or say something, and the first thought that goes through your head is “oh gawd, I’ve become just like my mother!”

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